WARNING: COMMUNICABLE INSANITY, EXCERSIZE CAUTION

Some of the worst pick-up lines, courtesy of John, and other sources.

5. (Hand person a skrew) Wanna skrew?

4. Do you want to have children? Now? Can we just practice?

3. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

2. I lost my Teddy Bear, can I sleep with you?

1. Lets go back to my place and do math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and I'll multiply.

The Big Chief Joke (Courtesy of John)

Big Chief and his wife had just learned about birth control, so Big Chief went to the drug store to buy some condoms.

The clerk sold him a box of regular condoms and said, "Good luck, man"

Big Chief came back the next day, and the clerk asked him, "Well?" Big Chief said, "Big Chief go ughn, wife go ugn, condom go POP!" So the clerk brought out another pack, "These are extra strong, they should work."

The next day Big Chief came back, "Big Chief go ughn, wife go ugn ugn, Big Chief go Ugn, condom go POP!"

"Try these, " said the clerk, "They are the strongest kind they make"

Big Chief came back again and said. "Big Chief go ughn, wife go ugn ugn, Big Chief go ughn ughn, wife go ugn, Big Chief go Ugnh, wife go Ughn Ughn, condom go POP!"

The clerk said, "I've got one more thing for you to try, but if this doesn't work, nothing will" and he came out of the back with a rubber hose tied in a knot at the end.

About a week later Big Chief came back to get a prescription.

"What is the prescription for?" the clerk asked. "Big Chief go ughn, wife go ugn ugn, Big Chief go Ugnh, ugn, wife go UGNH Big Chief go UGHN UGHN wife go UGNH UGHN, Big Chief's left nut go POP!"

The Truckin' Joke

Little Billy lived next to Mr.Jones.

One day Mr.Jones saw Little Billy sitting out on the curb, popping something into his mouth, biting his cat and scooting a little way down the curb.

"Mrs.Jones," Mr.Jones asked his wife, "what do you think Little Billy is doing out there popping something into his mouth, biting the cat and scooting down the curb?"

"I don't know, dear, why don't you go ask Little Billy why."

After a while Mr.Jones got very curious as to why Little Billy was out there doing that and he went outside to ask him why.

Little Billy was still sitting out there popping something into his mouth, biting the cat and scooting down the curb when Mr.Jones asked him, "Little Billy what are you doing?"

"Well Mr.Jones, I'm bein a trucker" said Little Billy.

"What do you mean Little Billy?" asked Mr.Jones.

Little Billy looked thoughtful a minute, then said, "I'm popping pills, eatin' pussy and movin' on down the line."

Here Kitty, Kitty (or the Viagra Joke)

Mr and Mrs.Smith had two children, and good jobs, and a home in a nice subdivision, but they were having some problems in their sex life.

They saw a doctor, and the doctor determined that the man was having some difficulties and he could take a prescription to help his problem. The doctor was very busy and just told the man to take the pills "as needed"

The man went home and took the pills. (The entire bottle) A few days later, when her client hadn't called back, the doctor called their house.

Their son answered the phone, "May I speak with your father?" "No!" said the Little Boy.

"Is he not at home?" asked the doctor.

"He's here, whaddya want?" "Well, this is Doctor So-and-So, and I would like to talk to him."

"You can't talk to him. Are you that woman that gave my Daddy them PILLS?" asked the Little Boy.

"Yes, I am" said the doctor, "May I speak with your mother, then?" "No, you may not and let me tell YOU something. My Momma' s in bed tired, my sister ain't a virgin no more, my butt hurts and my Daddy's on the roof callin 'Here Kitty, Kitty'!!!"